Driven To Hurt

When You Want To Hurt

When our ego control and defenses are close to being shattered, we become very frightened of the unknown and begin to think hurtful thoughts. This is our ego's way of trying and gain control in situations where we feel overwhelmed, helpless, alone and lost. When the ego feels helpless, not in control, alone and lost, it fears the worst, its death. Throughout the ages this experience has been called, "The Dark Night Of The Soul," and yes, has led some to suicide and murder in a final and desperate gesture to gain control when feeling helpless, lost and frightened. This whole experience is like suffering your death, before you die, a process where you are forced to let go of every support you have relied on in the past for your feelings of safety. Fritz Perls, the Gestalt Therapy founder, in an understatement said about this loss of control experience, "To suffer your death and be reborn is not easy."

Although some have lashed out and hurt either themselves and others when faced with the terrifying feelings of losing control, helplessness and possible death, many others with the readiness and courage to risk LETTING GO and GIVING UP CONTROL do ASK FOR HELP and have found that, like the butterfly caterpillar, what looks like death is really CHANGE into a higher form of life that could never be understood or grasped from the less, evolved caterpillar-like state. What looks like death to our ego is really the opportunity to WAKE UP, like in the "Matrix," from our less, evolved physical dream-state of separation and fear. I have tried to demonstrate this potential in the illustrations and short power point slide show I have prepared titled "The Cloud-Layers Of Ego." (See bottom-right margin of this Blog Site.)

Underneath the layers of the mind, body, emotion, (ego) defenses, our ego, sees only death. At this point, by giving up ego defenses and control, letting go and asking for help, we will be led instead into the Peace, Power, Joy and Love of our "Spiritual Identity." Here we are universally connected and safe. You will never believe this truth until you take the risk, give up control and EXPERIENCE IT FOR YOURSELF. Those who do gain what Joel Goldsmith calls, "The Mystical Experience Of God Presence." Most have suffered greatly to gain this Truth and experience. Through your suffering, there will come a point of readiness where you will risk giving up your ego control and probably scream out in desperate fear for your life, "God Help Me!" When you do, you will, like Fritz Perls says, be "Reborn" into your Spiritual Identity where you will feel at home and find Peace. I believe every person on this planet is on a path that will eventually lead to an opportunity to discover this same truth. In my mind, when your sensitivity and suffering leads you to feel desperate, it means you are almost ready to experience this, your True Identity. This kind of experience comes to us only when we are ready and none of us have conscious control over the timing of this readiness. What I have attempted to do is prepare you so you might be more willing to take this risk of giving up control and ask for help at those times when you are in deep suffering and frightened to let go. The level of our suffering is in direct proportion to the level of our fear and unwillingness to give up control. The Buddha said, "All suffering is attachment," meaning our attachment to ego control.

As a result, I urge you to allow yourself to feel overwhelmed, helpless and not in control. When you start to feel overwhelmed, helpless and desperate, realize you are indeed alive at the moment. Then give yourself permission to feel helpless and not in control.  Imagine you are like the caterpillar in its cocoon, in a process of change for the better. Since, like the caterpillar, we can never know what is best for us from our limited perspective, give the control of this change to the highest part of your right brain, unconscious mind. Echart Tolle would say, "Accept what is." Pretend you are a little child and allow yourself to give up your control to an unconscious wiser part of yourself who will look after you. ACIM would say, "All things are gently planned by One whose only purpose is our good." This truth has been driven home to me again and again in my life, in hindsight, after going through desperate times of change, pain and fear. Try to keep in mind when you become frightened or in pain that holding on and resisting will increase your suffering. Instead see if you can breathe and let go into it and give it to the Healing Energy within you.

Remember when you feel desperate and want to hurt yourself and others that this only happens when you resist feeling helpless and giving up control. The desire to hurt others or ourselves is always the ego's desperate way of attempting to assert control in fearful and painful situation when we feel helpless, lost and alone. The alternative and more constructive reaction at these times would be to simply accept that you are not in control that you feel lost and need direction and help. A book by Anthony Peaks, “Is there Life After Death,” documents the important support we gain through the right brain part of our unconscious mind at times when we feel we are about to die and give up all hope. This should not be hard to accept when you consider the experience of artists, writers, poets and athletes who are consistently inspired and guided through the right brain, creative or intuitive part of their unconscious mind. When we give up left-brain or ego control, our ego becomes frightened, lost and it feels like death. In truth, we are only turning control over to a higher or Wiser Voice within our mind that has access to unlimited information and strategy.

Summary:

The next time you feel overwhelmed, desperate and want to hurt yourself or others, openly admit to yourself, out loud if you can, that you feel helpless, not in control and frightened. Then simply breathe fully and on the out breath, let go into this experience. Finally accept you feel helpless and simply say to the wise and healing energy of your right brain, "Help me any way you can." Realize you have accepted the truth of your plight and then realize you can do nothing more. By giving up ego control, you bring stillness and surrender to your left-brain, ego. This allows access to the more wise and better-informed right brain to handle the situation. Inspiration and solutions to your issues may not come immediately. Trust, however, eventually they will be worked out and solved for your greatest good by the Wisdom gained through your right-brain consciousness. I link this right-brain consciousness to our Spiritual Identity, although you may not want to make this link. I think when you link religion with spirituality and reject both, you throw out the baby with the bath water. I encourage you not to make this mistake. The recent Quantum Physics research supports the mystical view of energy or spirit and the illusion of matter. Life as we experience it through our five senses and this physical universe is largely a mess filled with change, fear and separation. It does, however, give us a chance to heal our pain and fear and awaken from this dream of separation. For this opportunity alone, it is both important and essential to our awakening process where we will then find Peace and our True Identity.  These ideas are continued in the next two Blog entries.

David Ott, M.Ed.
http://www.peakrecovery.com/

The Perfect Storm

The Perfect Storm
Our Role In Healing Dramas

I am always amazed how innocently we enter and how perfectly we are cast for the relationships and healing dramas we are drawn into. If we or others have a lesson to learn or emotional wounds and fears to experience for healing and release, ego needs, circumstance and opportunity all come together in some unexplainable way to create a perfect storm to shatter all our carefully constructed walls and defenses. In hind site, it looks like some all-knowing writer and director have created the perfect drama and cast the perfect actors to play each and every role. Ego needs, weaknesses and strengths are all taken into account so that the words and actions from each character, including us, flow forth effortlessly to produce the perfect plot, conflict, action and climax.

In order to release and heal our emotional pain and fear we need only experience and suffer through it without blame, anger, or any other defensive strategy. To gain this kind of healing opportunity, it is obvious that all our carefully built controls and defenses need to be shattered so the emotional wounds and fears beneath can be experienced and released. The suffering we experience is directly proportional to the energy we put into resisting or avoiding this process. “What we resist will persist and strengthen.” The healing process is like giving birth. By breathing, experiencing, and letting go into the physical pain on every out breath, we greatly minimize the suffering we experience. The more we resist feeling our pain and fear, the stronger and longer we will suffer. The next time you find yourself feeling hurt and upset in a relationship or healing drama, stop a moment before you lash out with anger, blame, or use any defense. Realize the feeling, releasing and healing of this pain and fear within you is “all this world is for,” (ACIM) the only lasting purpose it can serve and the real reason you are here. See this situation and all the people involved as gathered together by some more knowing and higher part of yourself to assist in your healing and release. Understand this drama has been carefully orchestrated as an opportunity for you to feel and release the layers of pain and fear that keep you separated from your inner Peace and Joy. Choose, this time, to let go your blame, anger and anything else that will rob you of the opportunity to feel and release this heavy body of pain and fear you carry within. This is the way we awaken from our ego’s dream of separation, pain and fear into the Light, Love, Peace and Joy that is our Truth.

Breathe, relax and let go into the upset and pain on every out breath. You will usually find it located somewhere in your heart or abdomen. At the end of every out breath, let go and repeat this simple release and healing prayer. “Spirit, I willingly give you the appearance of this pain and fear and ask you to dissolve it into the nothingness from which it was born.” Then let it go and begin again. The more you can relax and let go the sooner will be your release. Our role is to feel, let go and sink into our pain and fear without resistance. Our Inner, Healing Energy can then release and heal us. The doctor sets and then places a broken bone to rest in a cast. Nature’s Healing Energy or Spirit does the rest. This same Healing Energy, with stillness and surrender, will heal the pain and fear of our Emotion Body too, if we are willing to experience the pain and fear, ask for help and give it over to this Healing Energy within us. Continue this release and healing process until you find some degree of calmness filtering into your consciousness. At first, when your mind wanders into the future or past, your pain and fear will probably reappear and you will need to begin this whole process once again. Take heart, however, with patient persistence, the pain and fear you experience that is always “an appearance only and not the truth,” (Joel Goldsmith) will eventually dissolve like mist in the summer sun and you will then feel much lighter and brighter. Whenever you experience inner upset, pain or fear, you might use the approach suggested by Joel Goldsmith, author of, “The Infinite Way.” Speak directly to the experience of your pain and fear the following: “You are an appearance only and not the truth. I will give you no power over me.” I would then repeat again, “Spirit, I willingly give you the appearance of this pain and fear and ask you to dissolve it into the nothingness from which it was born.” “The ego effects can be dispelled merely by denying their reality.” (ACIM) With patient persistence, this process will eventually succeed and, like learning any skill, becomes easier and more effective with practice.

All relationships house potential for healing dramas with opportunities to experience and release our unconscious pain and fear. Unfortunately, few of us are ready and willing to give up our anger and blame so we can feel and release our pain. Until we can meet and release the pain and fear within us without resistance or defense, their vibration will continue to draw us into painful and fearful dramas with ongoing opportunities for their experience and release. This is the “Law of Attraction.” Every pain and fear we experience and release allows us to open more fully to the Joy and Love beneath the clouds of our fear-based ego. All the relationships and healing dramas we draw to ourselves will either mirror or activate some aspect of the pain and fear we house within our own consciousness. We then gain the opportunity to feel, release and finally “Forgive,” accept without resistance or judgment and overlook with compassion this part of our unconscious mind, not of love, (fear) that has been reflected to us or activated within us by the words and actions of others within our healing drama. Since others only mirror or activate the pain and fear within our own consciousness, by forgiving or overlooking with love and compassion their words and behaviour, as well as our own pain and fear, we are forgiving and healing ourselves. We are also undoing the ego by denying its effects or reality. However real the ego perceptions or effects seem, they are appearances only and not the truth. Because they are effects that were caused by our own ego or fear-based consciousness, they cannot be CAUSAL and therefore can have no real power over us without our attention, acceptance and reaction. Remember always that the only way our ego gains any power is through our own attention and reaction. By overlooking, denying and not reacting to our ego’s effects or perceptions, we dispel it and awaken from our ego’s dream of separation and fear into the light, love peace and joy with in us. This is our True Identity as Spirit. This is the process of Authentic Forgiveness. “A Course In Miracles” proclaims this to be our only legitimate function here.

The experience and release of our pain and fear together with the practice of Authentic Forgiveness within our relationships and healing dramas are the most difficult and essential aspects of our healing and awakening journey in this world. This two-fold process takes readiness, the courage to surrender and a willingness to ask for and accept the help of the Healing Spirit within us. To the extent that we can "Authentically Forgive" others within our relationships and healing dramas, to that extent we gain healing and forgiveness for ourselves. In truth, we do not relate to others but to our own consciousness projected onto them. That is why “A Course In Miracles says, “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. “

David Ott, M.Ed. 30/08/10.

http://www.peakrecovery.com

The Underlying Cause of Disease & Suffering

To cure illness and suffering, we need to know the underlying CAUSE. Practitioners are often content to work with and remove the symptoms alone. Unfortunately these symptoms will eventually reactivate within the individual until the route cause of the illness has been dealt with, mentally, emotionally and physically. Joel Goldsmith, a famous spiritual healer in the 50s, founder of “The Infinite Way” movement wrote, “Unless there is a change of consciousness, there will be a re occurrence of the disorder.” (i)

Although it is difficult for our left brain ego to believe or even grasp, keep in mind that before pain and suffering, before illness and disease, before criticism, judgment, blame, anger, and rage, before depression and despair, before suicide or murder, before any destructive, abusive, addictive or compulsive behaviour, we have held within our consciousness for a period of time, perhaps lifetimes, some form of anxiety, pain and fear. The right brain part of our consciousness, with unconscious connection to our Spiritual Identity or Eternal, Energy Self, carries this anxiety, pain and fear into every physical lifetime we choose to learn and grow in, with the underlying pressure to heal and release it. This accounts for the occurrence of childhood cancer, diabetes and other genetic illnesses that occur early in life. It is also likely, our genetic families here hold links to energy or soul families on a spiritual plain and that family fear-based issues may be worked on over many generations until they are finally healed and released. I have noticed, for instance, that throughout my lifetime, I have encountered fear-based physical and emotional issues very similar to those my parents tried to deal with.

If it is difficult for you to accept that illness, disease, addictive, compulsive and destructive behaviour, in addition to various forms of mental, emotional and physical illness and suffering are routed in, or caused by, anxiety and fear, it might be of interest for you to look at the works of Dr. Hans Selier and more recently, Michael Meaney, a Neuroscientist at McGill University, Montreal. Both have studied the effects of the “Stress” (“Fight, Flight, Freeze”) Response on the systems of the body. In the 40s, Selier came to the conclusion that over 75% of the reasons why patients visit medical doctors are directly or indirectly related to this Stress, Fear or Adrenaline response. At the time he was laughed out of a medical conference for this suggestion. Now the ultra conservative medical profession, as a whole, has admitted that this percentage is probably above 85%.

The issue to understand here is that this stress or fear response, if extended over a period of time, drains energy causing an "Energy Crisis" and changes to our body chemistry, which then compromises our immunity and many other body systems. It also raises our blood pressure and blocks enzyme and insulin production often resulting in food, environmental allergies and diabetes. Anyone connected with sports or physical and mental activity of any kinds knows that most mistakes and accidents occur when the mind and body are tired and weak. When we are rested, exercise and eat properly, free from pain and fear, our mind and body have the innate ability to function well and, in most cases, protect themselves from accidents, illness and disease. Unfortunately, in this fast-paced, modern age of change and stress, we lose focus and fall prey to the devastation brought about by this “Fear” or “Adrenalin” Response.

The first thing we need to do to protect ourselves from this devastation is, whenever possible, place ourselves in relationships, jobs and situations where, for the most part, we feel happy, supported, successful and unthreatened. Since we live in a world filled with change, pain, fear and loss to varying degrees, it would be naive to think we could accomplish this goal throughout our entire life. We can, however, counteract the devastation of this “Fear Response” with the “Relaxation Response,” through various forms of meditation and relaxation practices. The goal of these practices is simply to “QUIET” or “STILL” the Left Brain part of our Mind, Body, Emotion (ego) self for periods of time each day. This allows access to the Life-Force Energy and Peace that flows naturally through the Right Brain part of our unconscious mind. Research has consistently shown that individuals who practise meditation or other forms of relaxation response techniques prevent, or recover from, illness, disease, and surgery much faster than individuals who do not. For this reason, I encourage you to explore these techniques to see if you are ready and able to use them to assist in your own disease prevention and healing. You will find information about these techniques on the “Zone” page of my “Peak Recovery” web site.

http://www.peakrecovery.com/peak_recovery_007.htm

Finally, it might be worthwhile to explore and understand the importance of healing the unconscious body of pain and fear we carry within our consciousness. Whenever these wounds and fears surface within in the relationships and situations we encounter here, the “Fear Response” is activated once again. Then we usually react with some form of defensive response like criticism, judgment, blame, anger, muscle tension or flight, all of which block the possibility for their healing and release. One of the prime reasons our souls choose to journey in this physical universe is to gain the opportunity to physically experience our emotional pain and fear. To heal and release it, we need first to feel it. How else would we know it exist within us? By clearing these wounds and fears, we automatically awaken more fully into the peace and joy we experience through the “right brain,” part of our unconscious mind. These wounds and fears, along with the defences we use to avoid them, which Echart Tolle calls our “Pain Body,” (ii) act like heavy clouds to hide from us the peace and joy we carry deep within our unconscious mind. See the " Cloud Layers Of Ego" illustration at the end of this Blog.

The mystics have always known and the research of quantum physics is now proving that the world we experience with our five senses is projected from within our own consciousness. This means that until we release the emotional wounds and fears we carry within our consciousness, through the “Law Of Attraction,” they will continue to be activated and reflected in the relationships, activities and situations we encounter here. As long as we avoid experiencing them through distraction, sedation, blame, anger and other destructive coping choices, they will return again and again to haunt us. Then we will begin to live our lives in a state of fear-based worry, control, defence and attack that will eventually drain our energy creating an "Energy Crisis," causing illness and block our joy as well as the ability to love and relate to others. Sadly, this is the state of mind of vast numbers of people here on this planet. Pain and fear-based dramas are continually being acted out within individuals, relationships, families and nations. Whenever we get hurt or frightened, our ego perceives our suffering as caused by a person or situation outside us and immediately begins to defend against or attack it. In order to heal, it is essential that we begin to understand and accept that the pain and fear within us has attracted, projected and manifested this situation, person or drama giving us the opportunity to feel, acknowledge and ultimately, to heal and release it from our consciousness.

To do this, slowly begin to train yourself to view and accept that the frightening and painful situations and relationship dramas you experience have be initiated from within your own consciousness and that this gives you and opportunity to heal and release the pain and fear so they will not return. Next, whenever you begin to experience any form of pain or fear, begin to breathe more fully. Let go or relax into the physical experience of this pain or fear on every out breath. You will find this physical experience somewhere in the area of your heart or abdomen. Continue this form of out breath surrender until you begin to relax a little and your desire to attack, defend or run lessens. Then address the Healing Energy within you with these words: “Help me to accept without resistance or judgment and overlook with compassion this part of me not of love (fear) that has been projected, reflected and activated in my dream of separation here. I willingly give it to You to dissolve into the nothingness from which it was born.” Continue to breathe slowly and fully for the next two minutes, remembering to let go and relax on every out breath. "A Course In Miracles" makes it clear that whatever we willingly give to the healing energy within us that is not of love (of fear) will eventually dissolve like mist in the summer sun. A doctor does not heal a broken bone. He places it at rest or still in a cast so the Healing Energy within can mend the break. It might be helpful for you to appreciate that, through mental stillness and surrender, you are releasing your fears and wounds to this same energy. Is it not likely it will heal and the wounds and fears within your emotional body too? I encourage you to experiment with this method for at least a month. If you do, you will find, I am sure, an ever-increasing freedom from the painful and fearful dramas you experience in your life and relationships. The following three articles from my “Peak Recovery” web site may help to further clarify this topic:

http://www.peakrecovery.com/painenergydisease.pdf

http://www.peakrecovery.com/a%20better%20way.q.pdf

http://www.peakrecovery.com/heal.chall.rel..pdf

David Ott, M.Ed.  http://www.peakrecovery.com/

i Joel Goldsmith, “Consciousness Transformed” Hawaii Hotel Talks, page 13

ii Echart Tolle, “The Power Of Now,”

Meditation, Purpose,Process & Practice

About Meditation, Further Comment:

I'm really happy to hear you understand a appreciate some of the advantages offered by meditation and the awakening of the right-brain or intuitive part of our unconscious mind. I did not realize you had explored this facet of your identity. I know that if you continue to be drawn into this process of STILLING the mind, body or emotion (ego self) you will continue to find increased freedom from fear and anxiety in your life.

Personally I do think it is important to link the peace you begin to experience with ego surrender or meditation to the understanding that you are awakening to the spiritual or eternal part of your identity where we are universally connected to everyone and everything we experience here in what "A Course In Miracles" would call our "DREAM of Separation and Fear." This is what the movie, "The Matrix" was trying to teach us, what the Buddha discovered through meditation and more recently what Quantum Physics has concluded with its experiments. See the DVD "What The Bleep" if you are interested in these kinds of concepts. Very simply its says that we hold matter, or this world into place with our attention, and like the Buddha said, what we see, hear, touch, taste or smell with our five senses is an appearance only, a dream and not real at the level of Eternal Truth. That is why when we put our trust in our ego constructed world or dream (maya) we feel so separate, lost and fearful at times.

When we mediate and connect with our Spiritual or Eternal Identity, even for moments, we feel deep peace because in these moments we are connecting with Infinite Peace, our True Identity and beginning to wake up from our dream that we are separate from each other and from our Divine or Spiritual Self. It takes time and patience to meditate enough to break the ego's hold and begin to awaken more and more fully to our True Identity as Spiritual Beings, all connected through a Divine Energy Source often referred to as Love or God. I urge you to press forward with "Patient Persistence" because in the end, this awakening from our dream and the discovery of our Spiritual Identity is the greatest gift a lifetime in this world offers us. Eventually we will all learn this lesson and find our way back Home to our Divine or Eternal Truth. If you are beginning to explore meditation already, then you are well on your way. You will only come to believe in your Spiritual Identity by actually EXPERIENCING its Peace and Love (Gratitude) through mediation and ego (mind, body, emotion) surrender. Remember we are drawn to this path only when we are ready, so do not beat yourself up if you are not. As soon as you are ready, I urge you to find your own meditation teacher or group to encourage and support this road or path that, in this dream, is THE ONE LESS TRAVELLED.

In groups, stilling the mind, body, emotion self is often easier and you can find a deeper sense of inner stillness and peace.  Once again I suggest that you copy one of the meditations on my web site into your mp3 player and listen to it lying down with ear-phones. The "Layers Of Self," short power point show on my web site (link below) might help you to more fully understand the purpose, process and practice of meditation. http://www.peakrecovery.com/cloud%20layers.pps

Good Luck and "May the Force be with you!"

David Ott,
http://www.peakrecovery.com/

Healing Challenges In Relationships

Everything seems to go well in relationships until circumstances or interactions activate some aspect of the pain and fear we carry within us. Unaware we carry this pain and fear, the probability is high we will become frightened and defensive when it surfaces. To us, it looks and feels like the person or situation that brought these painful feelings to the surface has CAUSED them. When this happens, through lack of readiness, skills or stamina, the pain and fear we experience often feels threatening and overwhelming. At this point, we usually turn to defensive patterns we have learned in the past to try and shut them down. They might include avoidance, flight, blame and anger to escape or drive away the seeming cause of the pain and fear we are being pressed to experience.

As long as we have pain and fear within us to heal, through the "Law of Attraction," these "Pain Body" vibrations will continually draw to us relationships and situations of like vibration that will activate and bring them unexpectedly to the surface. It seems to me that the only meaningful way to deal with this pain and fear is to find appropriate ways to feel, release and heal it so that it will not damage the good and valuable parts of our relationships or keep returning. It makes no sense to continue behaviour that does not help in some way to release and heal the pain and fear blocking the Peace, Joy and Love hidden beneath. This pain and fear is, as Joel Goldsmith says, “an appearance only and not the truth.” These are the “Mythical Dragons” found in the tales of middle-age literature that appear to guard the castle, a symbol of the heart, to try and stop the questing knights from finding, “The Holy Grail,” the Joy and Love hidden deep within. Finding Inner Peace and Love, therefore, depends on our willingness to face and defeat or dissolve the illusion of these Fire-Breathing Dragons, metaphors for the pain and fear, housed within the ego, that try to stop us from finding inner peace and love.


We defeat or dissolve these “Mythical Dragons” simply by facing and experiencing them. We need only breathe fully and relax into our pain and fear with each out breath. As you begin to calm somewhat with the realization you are surviving the pain and fear of the experience, use the Joel Goldsmith approach for dealing with this kind of situation. Confront these painful illusions with, "You are an appearance only. You are not the truth. I will give you no power over me!” Then follow the directions found in “A Course In Miracles” with, “Holy Spirit, I willingly give you these appearances that are not of love to dissolve into the nothingness from which they were born." (T-12.11.10) The more often you practice this exercise whenever your pain and fear is activated, the sooner you will come to realize, through experience, that it will eventually dissolve like mist in the summer sun. In the beginning, expect your ego to resist and want you to see the cause of the pain and fear coming from outside you and press you to attack or defend against it. This will keep you suffering as its hostage. Always remember, even though your pain and fear might look and feel like someone or something outside you caused it, this is NOT THE TRUTH. Our pain and fear is held within our own consciousness, projected and then reflected or activated by seeming outside forces. It is our willingness to give up our struggle with these outside forces and experience the pain and fear within us, without resistance, attack or defense that will dissolve it forever within our mind. “All that I do I do unto myself. If I attack, I suffer. But if I forgive (overlook with compassion) salvation will be given me.” (L-216, ACIM) To better understand and accept this “non dualistic” philosophy of “A Course In Miracles,” that the world we seem to experience outside us is really housed like a dream within our own mind, I encourage you to read the book, “ Is There Life After Death?” by Anthony Peake.


It is both possible and simple to develop more constructive strategies to deal with these Dragons when they become aroused within our relationships. In fact, the only reason we are here is to do just that, to undo our ego and its defenses. Usually when the pain and fear within us becomes activated, we become frightened and overwhelmed. Often our partners or others we interact with appear to cause our upset and we lash out at them with blame and anger attempting to stop the seeming cause of the pain and fear we experience. Sometimes we will withdraw instead. The purpose behind more constructive coping choices is to help us face, feel and release the pain and fear within us, instead of defending or attacking the situations and individuals that activate them. Unless we face and release this pain and fear, it will continually return to haunt us. If we attack, we will be attacked. If we forgive, (overlook with compassion) we will be forgiven. "All that I give, I give to myself," (L-126, ACIM)


When we have suffered enough from our relationship conflicts, dramas and the pain and fear that drew them to us, we will eventually become ready to ask for and try, “A Better Way” to heal and release this inner pain and fear. The readiness and willingness to surrender the old destructive patterns is always the hardest part the healing journey. It is sometimes difficult at first to discover the painful emotions and fears that are being activated within us. In most instances, they will revolve around issues like, unexpected change or loss, disappointment, betrayal, failure, the unknown, sadness, worthlessness, separation, emptiness, helplessness, feeling overwhelmed, trapped or abandoned. Their pain and fear will be physically experiences somewhere in the area of the heart or abdomen. These will be the areas to breathe, let go and relax into on every out breath. This will release and heal them. Once we begin to breathe more deeply and relax more fully into our “Pain Body,” it will lessen the intensity of our anxiety and eventually dissolve the pain and fear it holds. Be very patient and persistent in this pursuit.


One last thing, if we consistently felt the security and love we shared at the beginning of our relationships or in past ones, the necessary activation of our inner pain and fear for healing would be absent. If we want to heal this pain and fear and awaken to the Peace and Joy hidden in our consciousness, beneath these clouds of fear-based ego, it is somewhat naive and unfair for us to blame our current partners for playing their perfect activation and healing roles within our relationship dramas. On the other hand, it is just as naive to think that we will not experience this same Inner Peace, Joy and Love within all our relationships, after we gain the courage to face and dissolve these cloud-layers. These are the mind, body, emotion defenses and appearances of pain and fear that hide from us the Light, Peace, Joy and Love of our Spiritual Identity, buried like a treasure beneath them.

If you are interested in a more detailed article on this topic, please click onto the link below that will take you to an article I had published September 2010 in Jon Mundy’s “Miracle Magazine,” out of New York. It is “A Course In Miracles” based and titled, “A Better Way.”


http://www.peakrecovery.com/a%20better%20way.q.pdf


David Ott, M.Ed.
http://www.peakrecovery.com/

What Is Peak Recovery

Peak Recovery is not just a recovery process or program for individuals using destructive substances and activities to cope with life. It is the process that every human being on this planet is engaged in at a conscious or unconscious level. We all search for the RECOVERY of our peace and happiness, a sense of belonging and safety in a world filled with insecurity, fear and pain.


All of us feel frightened, lost, wounded and alone, to varying degrees and for varying periods of time as we journey through our uncertain life here. To free ourselves from our feelings of fear and separation, most of us search for peace, love, meaning and security within our relationships, careers and activities in the world, or escape through various forms of coping strategies. In time, each one of these pursuits will fail, disappoint and hurt us leaving us feeling empty and anxious once again.

Whatever security or happiness we find within the world is, by its changing nature, always uncertain and temporary, leaving us with underlying anxiety, depression and fear that drain our energy and joy. The good news is that suffering from the loss of peace and the disappointments we find in the world will eventually press us into the readiness to ask for "a better way." This readiness and request will then draw to us information like this and teachers who begin to guide our journey inward. This inward journey awakens us to our Eternal Identity, the Identity we forgot with the evolution of our left brain consciousness that allowed us to think, remember, dream, worry and plan in search of security from the future and past.

This was the "ORIGINAL MISTAKE" that led us away from the PRESENT into the dream within our minds of a past we could hold in our memory and a future we hoped to plan and control, both in a futile attempt to gain our security. How can we find security from a past or future that exists only within our mind, is not present and therefore, is not real? Lasting or REAL SECURITY, the peace, power joy and love of our Spiritual Identity, can only be accessed in the Here and Now of the PRESENT!

In this blog, I hope to share some ideas and cast some light on this Inner Journey that will awaken our forgotten Spiritual Identity, the peace, power joy and love within. To help guide my comments for this blog, I urge you to send me questions, comments and feedback. I am especially interested in your personal recovery journey. As we share our experiences we help ourselves and others find Inner Peace. "Thoughts strengthen when shared." ("A Course In Miracles") If you haven't already done so, you might check out my "Peak Recovery" web site

David Ott, M.Ed.
http://www.peakrecovery.com/

Coping Choices And Healing: Reply To Addiction Question

Any destructive coping choice is the way we attempt to reduce anxiety, pain and fear to find peace. However, no medication or sedation we use to free ourselves from the pain and fear of this world can bring us the peace we seek. Drugs of any kind, legal or not, will give us only temporary relief at best and lead to addiction and the destruction of our mind and body at the worst.

The only thing that will bring you lasting peace and freedom from your pain and fear is meditation. This is a process where you learn how to still and silence your mind, body, emotion, or ego self.  All you need to do is find ways to relax your muscle tension through exercise.  Hatha Yoga and Ti-Chi are great because through your need to focus on each exercise, you still your thoughts (mind) as well and let go your body tension or armour. Yoga also works a great deal with relaxation, breath techniques, another important way to still your mind and let go the muscle tension, stored in your body from past trauma.



As you learn to 1. Stay present, still and silence your thoughts, 2. Release (let go) your muscle tension, 3. Experience and release your emotional pain and fear without defense or resistence and 4. Breathe in a more full and relaxed way, you will begin to find a deeper sense of calm and peace flowing from WITHIN YOU. This inner peace will dissolve your sense of anxiety, pain and fear that has, in the past and even now, pressed you to self medicate. We live in an insane and fear-based world. The more sensitive we are, the less we can survive without using some form of medication or sedation. When we are ready, as you are, we begin to search for ways to find real and lasting peace. Before we are ready, we search for our love, peace and security in all the wrong places.  It is, however, the further pain we create for ourselves through these destructive substance and behaviour choices that eventually forces our readiness to search for a better way. The good news is that we need not look anywhere for it. The Peace, Love and Joy we search for is deep within our own consciousness, beneath all the clouds of our ego's pain and fear.



Once you begin to experience, through stillness and surrender, your inner peace, both your need and desire to use destructive behaviour and substance choice to cope will begin to fall away. In point of truth, once you begin to experience the Peace, Joy and Love within you, your use of "weed" or any destructive substance or behaviour coping choice will become painful and impossible for you to tolerate. You will give up these choices willingly and without regret. I have experienced this truth for myself.



All we need do to find the Peace, Power, Joy and Love we seek is "Be Still." This awakens what I call our Energy-Self. Our ego self, which holds all our pain and fear and indeed survives on this pain and fear becomes terrified as we begin to "Be Still," so expect much resistance at the  beginning stage of any form of mental stillness work.  It is best to do lots of exercise first, even just walking.  Attempt to stay present in the here and now; see, hear, touch, taste, smell, etc. This is also meditation. Then have a hot shower to further relax your muscle tension and spend 10 or 15 minutes either sitting up or lying down doing relaxation breathing. Just breathe through your nose and experience your breath flowing gently in (abdomen rising) and out (abdomen falling). Let go and relax deeper (heavier) and deeper (heavier) into the mattress or chair with every out breath. Say to yourself a few times, "Peace be to my mind. Let all my thoughts be still." If thoughts or distractions come into your mind, let them go (fly by) and bring yourself back to experiencing your breathing. Begin to listen, watch and wait with infinite patience for the experience of the Peace and Love (Gratitude) within you to arise. We are here to find and experience just that. Be grateful that you now understand the rules of the game of life. We are like Jason Borne. We have lost our identity and don't know who we are or where to look for it. The first stage of the game of life is to recognize we are lost. The second stage is to search for ways to discover our identity. The third stage is to reclaim what we have lost, our True Self.  I call this True Self our Spiritual Identity.  It is the experiencing of this True Self that brings our freedom from fear and Inner Peace. Meditation in the form I describe will begin the third stage of the process.



I am excited that you have made it through this far in the game of life and have asked for help in finding a better way to gain peace and joy. "Ask and you shall receive," but understand that the ego part of your mind will resist its destruction. It must die, however, for you to experience the peace you are entitled to and have come into this school called life to find. Before you begin this final stage, just say to Spirit, "Please help me learn to be still. I truly desire to find my "Inner Peace." Then begin the process I have outlined with whatever you feel to do to learn stillness and surrender. There is a "Zone" exercise on my web site that is a guided meditation you can try. I also urge you to go through the Power Point presentation and while there, read the article on "Coping With Stress" and the "Peak Recovery" article as well.  If you want me to mail you a CD of this "Zone" meditation, then email me your address. If you are near a phone, I could guide you through this mediation in person.



Good luck and write me if I can help or explain further. Try and find a Hatha Yoga or meditation group if you can. Groups like these will make your healing or awakening journey much easier and you will find support there when the ego begins to resist your efforts. Do not fight or resist your ego. Listen to it with compassion like a frightened child and remain firm on your path for a better way to live your life. Whatever you resist or fight against will persist and strengthen. Like the rebellious complaints of a child, you can listen and still say no without fear or anger when you know you are right. You are right and it is essential for you to learn ways to be still through any form of meditation. This is the only way you can find your inner peace and free yourself from all fear-based destructive coping choices.



David Ott, M.Ed.