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Director, Peak Recovery Program, Victoria, B.C.Canada. M.Ed.,University of Toronto. Trained at the Gestalt Institute of Toronto,Canada. Individual and Relationship "Recovery Counselling," Workshops, Seminars and Talks on Peak Recovery, Healing and “A Course In Miracles.”

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Healing Pain and Fear

Healing the Pain Body

1. How Our Pain, Fear and Defensiveness Surfaces

The “Law Of Attraction”
As pointed out by Michael Losier and Esther Hicks, both teachers of, “The Law Of Attraction,” we attract what we vibrate at the level of our emotional bodies, not necessarily what we think or want.  Although our thoughts have energy, the strongest energy vibration of our emotional body, whether it is of pain, fear or love, will always manifest. The “Law of Attraction” responds only to our energy vibration and is unable to distinguish between what we want or don’t want.  When we cry out painfully, “I can’t stand this abuse,” we vibrate, the pain and fear of abuse and receive just that, more pain, fear and abuse.  Whenever we attack or resist any experience, this same principle or law operates to strengthen and bring to us more of that same experience. Unfortunately, our pain and fear-based cries for what we don’t want are often stronger than what we do want, until the pain and fear within us is brought to the surface, experienced fully and released. The process and practice of this healing is what I hope to accomplish here.

This means that as long as we have repressed pain and fear vibrating within us, we will attract situations and relationships of like vibration that will bring this pain or fear into our experience and conscious awareness.  For example, if we house a strong fear of abandonment, we will draw a relationship into our experience where we will be abandoned.  If we have an obsessive fear of losing our home, we will draw to ourselves a situation where we will lose our home. Everything in this world is built and destroyed through the vibration of our wishes and fears.  Our Soul Self, operating with or through these inner vibrations, seems to know unerringly and draws to us, when we are ready, the relationships and situations that can best serve our need to heal our pain and fear and return us to the peace of our Spiritual Home.  To assist in this process, our intimate relationships become important mirrors and triggers that bring to the surface the pain and fear we project from within us that need to be healed.  In all these situations, it is very difficult to appreciate or accept that the pain and fear we experience has been called forth from within us through our vibrations.  It is equally difficult for us to appreciate or use these opportunities for the healing gifts that they provide us.  “All things are gently planned by One, (Soul Self) whose only purpose is our good.” (ACIM, L135)   

Like it or not, the world we see and experience is a reflection of our own consciousness, a consciousness we vibrate and project onto the screen of our relationships and the situations we encounter here, much like a movie is projected onto a screen.  As such, it becomes an opportunity to heal any part of our consciousness, not of love, (the pain & fear) that is being reflected back to us from the mirror of these relationships and experiences in the world.   It is as impossible to see and heal our consciousness without some kind of reflection, as it is to comb our hair properly without a mirror.  This is why we can never heal alone.  This healing is accomplished through learning and applying the process of “Authentic Forgiveness.” “Seek not to change the world, but to change your mind about the world, and the world will then change.” (ACIM)

Whenever our “pain body” is brought into our conscious experience or awareness, our first response is one of fear-based defense, attack or avoidance.  Most often we project the responsibility for the pain and fear we experience onto someone outside us with some form of criticism, judgment, blame or anger.  We can also sedate and distract ourselves in any number of ways.  In addition to this, we can hold on tight or hold back creating chronic muscle tension and armor.  Sometimes we just run away.  None of these strategies will release or heal the pain and fear within us.  The pain and fear will, in fact, persist and strengthen whenever we defend against or attack it.  Our “pain body” feeds, grows and survives on the degree to which we resist, attack or defend against it. “If I attack I suffer.  If I forgive, salvation will be given me.” (ACIM.)  It is a tragedy how long it seems to take us to change these choices that do nothing but drain our energy and cause various forms of illness, disease and great unhappiness.  Whatever we fight against grows in strength.  For example, the war on drugs and terrorism in the U.S. has strengthened both the drug trade and the terrorist movement.  

3. Gaining Readiness

There will come a time of readiness through suffering where we will turn and face our pain and fear without defense. Through this trembling and courageous act, we find our freedom and inner Peace. Before we can begin to practice “authentic forgiveness,” we need to learn better ways to handle the emotional pain and fear that arises within our consciousness, projected onto and played out through the dramas of our relationships and life experiences.  Remember, until we give up our resistance and defensive reaction to the pain and fear we encounter within this dream of separation, it will remain unhealed within us and strengthen.  Until we allow ourselves to fully experience our pain and fear and find out, it does not destroy us and that it “can have no power over us,” (JG) we will be unable to release it and practice “Authentic Forgiveness.”  The steps for healing or releasing our pain and fear and practicing “Authentic Forgiveness” are relatively straightforward and simple.  The difficulty arises in developing the awareness of our defenses or destructive reaction at the time and the courage and willingness to give up our reflex, well learned, defensive resistance, attack or retreat. This means becoming defenseless at a time when our well-trained ego response is to defend, attack or retreat while holding in repressed anger.  “In my defenseless my safety lies.” (ACIM.W. L.153)

4. Gaining Skills To Experience Pain And Fear

Begin to pay attention to your inner physical body, especially in the area of your stomach, chest and abdomen in an ongoing way.  Emotional pain and fear are always felt in the body, usually in these areas. At the same time, and when you go to sleep at night as well, begin to train yourself to relax on your out breath; let go and practice breathing abdominally, more slowly and fully. Place your hands on your abdomen and feel them rise and fall as you breathe in and out.  Let go and let yourself sink downward and deeper with every out breath.  This is called grounding and it will reduce the fear you experience because it places you fully in the present where all healing energy is.Then, as soon as you begin to feel any kind of pain, fear, upset, or tension within your mind or body, begin to practice this more relaxed and full abdominal breathing. Be sure you let go and sink deeper and deeper on every out breath, into the area of your body where you are experiencing your pain and fear. Learning to breathe abdominally in a relaxed and full way under stress, will take almost a year to learn, but it is a sure gateway to reducing the amount of pain fear and panic you experience. It will also allow you to achieve “authentic forgiveness” more quickly. It is very important that you give into the pain and fear you experience, without resistance. Whatever you resist will always persist and strengthen. Letting go physically into the pain and fear you experience, on every out breath, is the way you accomplish this very difficult task and lessen the pain and fear you feel.

The willingness to experience your fear and pain and suffer through them more fully, will release the unconscious, catastrophic fear you hold that feeling this pain and fear will somehow destroy or hurt you beyond repair.  Free from this “false fear factor,” You can then face them with less panic, resistance and defensiveness the next time they arise.  This also allows you some time to think and decide how you want to deal more constructively with every fear-based situation you encounter.

5. Preparation

“You do not know the meaning of anything you perceive, not one thought you hold is wholly true.  The recognition of this is your firm beginning.” (ACIM.T.C.11.VIII.3)

1.  Although from your ego’s perspective, when the pain and fear within you becomes activated, it will seem like you are being attacked from without and need to defend or attack back, you must begin to appreciate at a very deep level that this is a triggered reflection of the pain and fear within you that cries out to be healed.  You must also understand and accept that what your ego perceives at this moment is not real, is not the truth.  You are facing a “mirage in the desert.” (JG)  There is no need to respond in any way.  Also, be very clear that if you attack or defend, you will strengthen this pain and fear within you, the hold it has over you, and lose any chance to release or heal it.   By keeping these ideas in mind at all times, you will have the understanding, motivation and determination necessary to set aside your reflex defenses and deal with your activated “pain body” in a more constructive way.  Just “accept what is,” (ET) without resistance.

2.  Your pain and fear will be activated as much by your past and future fear-based thoughts as by current situations and relationship issues.  Use the same strategy for dealing with all cases when they arise.  All are misperceptions of your fear-based ego.

3.  Anger is always a defensive strategy used to cover up fear, control and protect you in situations where you are feeling vulnerable, not in control and threatened.  Remember also that anger is always a cry for love.” This will make it less threatening for you to deal with when it arises in yourself and others.  When we are feeling anger, it becomes necessary to release it and get beneath it in some constructive way. Through this awareness and acceptance, you will be able to discover feelings like helplessness, sadness, despair, loss, etc, beneath your anger.  These are the emotions that need to be experienced and healed.  Remember, anger is an ego defense, not an emotion.  Try releasing it constructively by screaming into a pillow or taking a tennis racket to a mattress or going for a long walk or run.  Remember that your anger is just the projected cover-up for your own fear and pain, being reflected back to you for your healing.         

Steps In Releasing Pain And Fear

If you are feeling anger and blame, identify and express the anger, blame and judgment long enough to find the pain or fear that lies beneath, feelings like sadness, worthlessness, emptiness, oneness, loss, and separation. To achieve this, imagine the person who upset you in an empty chair and express out loud,  “I’m hurt and angry that you …… When you did this, I felt…!

Keep breathing fully in and out without pause, relaxing and giving into the fear and pain on every out breath. In this way, relax, breathe and surrender into and through any painful feeling as deeply as you can.  Experience this pain and fear in your physical body letting go into it as fully as you can on each out breath. Remember, you will usually find the pain and fear located somewhere in your stomach, abdomen, or heart area.  If you can, allow yourself to release this pain and fear through tears. The relief will come sooner and the peace you gain as a result will be great.  A steady, full, breath of relaxed surrender must flow continually beneath the process of all these steps.  There must be a determined willingness and ability to let go and relax into any fear-based tension on every out breath, without resistance or defense.

          “Whatever is given to the Holy (Healing) Spirit that is not of God is gone. Yet you must look at it (first) in perfect willingness (without resistance) for otherwise his
 knowledge remains useless to you.” (ACIM.T.C.12.II.4)


Keeping this quote in mind, respond to any fear or pain by breathing and relaxing into it fully on every out breath, without defense or resistance.  While you continue to let go fully into the physical experience of your pain and fear and hold it in your consciousness, begin to address it with these words:

“You are an effect projected and caused by my own consciousness like a dream, an appearance only, not real, with no power over me. (JG)  Healing Spirit, I give this appearance of pain and fear to You to dissolve into the nothingness from which it was born.” 

     Then, let it go, for it is gone!  With much practice, your ego’s fear-based hold over your mind will dissolve and the peace of your Eternal Self will awaken fully. To your ego mind this "denial of perception," will appear to make no sense and be insane. If, however, you begin to practice this form of denial and forgiveness you will come to see through your own personal experience its value and truth. I urge you therefore not to turn away in stubborn disbelief without a willingness to practice my suggestions. 

What We Achieve Through This Process

The rewards we achieve through this process are monumental.  By experiencing the pain and fear of our emotional body and surviving, we eliminate the catastrophic fear we hold concerning its unknown depths that somehow by experiencing this part of us, we will be swept away and permanently hurt or even destroyed. Much of the fear and pain we have experience around our emotions and “pain body,” has come from this catastrophic “fear of the unknown.”  Without this fear, we travel through the world with far less defensive armament, much lighter and brighter.  Giving up our resistance to feeling our pain and fear reduces chronic muscle tension (armor) and this releases trapped healing energy.  This will further dissolve the pain and fear within us that feeds on our resistance and fear of survival.  “What we resist persists and strengthens.”  With the continued practice of feeling and accepting our emotions we will dissolve all fear around them. Then we can deal with them as a natural and non-threatening part of our human experience. This is what gives us the readiness to begin the ongoing practice of Authentic Forgiveness” when any pain or fear surfaces within us. This means to accept without judgment, re action, or resistance and overlook with compassion anything not of Love (fear-based) within our consciousness reflected or activated in our dream of separation here. Through this ongoing denial of our ego dreams, and misperceptions of pain and fear, we slowly awaken to the Peace, Power, Joy, and Love WITHIN US that is our Real Self, our SPIRITUAL IDENTITY. 


David Ott, M.Ed., Nov. 2014

JG: Joel Goldsmith, “The Infinite Way.”
ET: Eckhart Tolle, “The Power Of Now”

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Soul Mates and Healing

"Projection makes perception," which means that no matter how difficult it may be for us to accept, the persons or things we see outside us always reflect, mirror or activate what we hold within our own consciousness. By accepting without judgment and overlooking with compassion the parts of our consciousness not of love, (fear) being reflected or activated in our dream of separation here, -in another- the real definition of, "Authentic Forgiveness," we can release or heal the pain and fear within us that hides and blocks us from experiencing the Spirit or Love within, our real identity. A Soul Mate is anyone we meet on our journey through life who brings the pain and fear within our consciousness to the surface where it can be released and healed through the kind of "Authentic Forgiveness" defined above. "A Course In Miracles" clarifies our purpose here very simply: "the healing of God's Son is all this world is for;" and "forgiveness is our only function here." Unfortunately most of us think the purpose of a relationship is to give us support and love. With these expectations, when our pain and fear is reflected or activated, most often we react with blame and anger towards the person in front of us instead of forgiveness. In truth, the real purpose of a relationship is to help us release the pain and fear within us through "Authentic Forgiveness." Whenever we do, the Spirit or Love within us, our real identity, is awakened.

David Ott, M.Ed.
Nov. 2014

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Non Dualistic Healing 101 through “A Course In Miracles”     
by:  David Ott, M.Ed.

My methods of healing and spiritual awakening are founded on the philosophy of “Non Dualism.” This philosophy is also the foundation of Buddhism, the early and original philosophy of Christianity, “The Infinite Way” healing philosophy of Joel Goldsmith, as well as “A Course In Miracles.”

 “A Course In Miracles” summarizes this non dualistic philosophy early in the text with this simple statement           
                              “Nothing real can be threatened.  
                               Nothing unreal exists.
                               Herein lies the peace of God."  (acim.T.Intro.)                          

 I further clarify this “Non Dualistic” philosophy in this way;

 “There is only One Power in this universe and beyond, an Eternal Power of Good or God (Love). Nothing outside this power is eternal and therefore real or true. The world, people, and universe we seem to perceive with the five senses of our mind, body, emotion, or ego self does not last, continually changes and is, by this definition, NOT REAL. It is a dream, illusion, or appearance only, not the truth and can have no real power over our True, Spirit, or Eternal Self.”

 We give the dreams or the illusions of this world the power to frighten and hurt us mentally, emotionally and physically by the attention, belief, reaction and resistance we express towards it in any number of ways, especially through attacks & defenses like criticism, judgment, blame, and anger. Once we give this ego perceived dream our belief, attention, and reaction, we then give it the power to frighten and hurt us.

 The way we take away the power of our ego’s dream to frighten and hurt us is to DENY ITS TRUTH OR REALITY. In “A Course In Miracles” definition, this is called atonement or “undoing the ego.”

 Very simply, we atone for or undo the seeming reality of our ego’s dream, a dream that appears to have the power to frighten and hurt us, through the process of “Quantum or Authentic Forgiveness.” It is a process that we practise in an ongoing way to DENY or OVERLOOK the seemingly frightening and painful perceptions of our ego, mentally, physically and emotionally. We can accomplish this process only with surrender and a willingness to seek help from the Healing or Holy Spirit within our own consciousness. It is not a process that we can undertake or achieve alone. Our role is merely to experience and reveal the seeming pain and fear without defense or resistance. It is the role of the Healing Spirit within us to HEAL it. After we experience without resistance and reveal our unconscious pain and fear when it surfaces, we then must quickly ask for help from the Healing Spirit and offer the appearances of any perceived pain and fear to this Healing Spirit to remove it from our perception. Try and follow the Forgiveness Process below whenever any unconscious guilt, pain, and fear surfaces. This Forgiveness Process will eventually heal, release, and undo this unconscious guilt, pain and fear. You will then automatically and without effort awaken from your ego’s dream of separation and fear to experience the Peace, Power, Joy, & Love of your Spiritual Identity.


 1. Whenever you experience pain, fear, or discomfort of any kind, try and locate this experience physically somewhere in your body, probably in your heart or abdominal area.

 2. Then breathe and relax into this physical discomfort. Let go more and more fully into this experience of pain and fear within on every out breath. This is the process of surrender and giving up resistance.

3. When your fear-based resistance has relaxed to some degree, in other words, when you are able to relax somewhat on your out breath, address the pain and fear with these words:“You are an appearance only, not the truth. I will give you no power over me.” (DENIAL) (From “The Infinite Way” by Joel Goldsmith)

 4. Then ask for help from the Healing Sprit with these words: “Healing or Holy Spirit, I ask You to help me accept without resistance or judgment and overlook with compassion these parts of me not of love (fear) that have been activated and reflected in my dream of separation here. I willingly give these fear-based appearances to You to dissolve into the nothingness from which they were born.”

 5. If appropriate, address any person who many have activated and brought to the surface this pain and fear within you with these words: “You and the pain and fear I experience are projections from within my own unconscious mind. I asked, from the unconscious level of my mind, for this opportunity to forgive and release it. You have played perfectly the role I asked in this, my healing drama. Thank you. There is really nothing to forgive. In truth, like me, you are Christ (Spirit) innocent, pure and Holy. All is forgiven and released.”

 6. Finally, take time to be still, relax, and surrender all your desire and control to this Healing Spirit within you. Trust It to accomplish the necessary healing miracles you have requested. Use these words: “This Holy Instant I give to You. Be you in charge, for I would follow You certain your direction will bring me peace.” (acim.W.L.365) Then: Be present. Be still and Surrender. Wait, Watch, and Listen for the “Thunder of Silence,” The Mystical Experience of God Presence and your Inner Voice. Goldsmith:“InfiniteWay” Now breathe and relax on every out breath. Take a few minutes to be still, let go, and sink heavier and
deeper on every out breath. Repeat: “I will be still an instant and return home."(w.l.182)


This process is a simple one, yet because of our fear and resistance to giving up control, very difficult.


 Try and keep in mind constantly that this process of Atonement (ego undoing) through Forgiveness is our only important and real function in this world. (acim.W.L.-115)

 In addition, that the healing (releasing inner pain & fear) of God’s Son/Daughter is all this world is for(acim.T-24.VI.4.)

The only reason these two important functions can be accomplished is that the world and people we experience here are projected, like a dream, from within our own conscious and unconscious mind. This gives us the unique opportunity to see, experience and heal or release all the unconscious pain, fear, and guilt buried within us. This is the cloud of pain, fear, and guilt that separates us from our Spiritual Identity, who we really are, Divine Spirit, at Peace and Eternal.

 Our ego wants us to believe we can find the peace, love, security, and happiness we seek from the people and world we see outside us through our relationships, and various accomplishments. Over time and through many painful experiences, we eventually come to learn that this is a lie. “A Course In Miracles” states the real truth in the following quote:

 “Nothing outside yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace. But it also means that nothing outside yourself can hurt you, or disturb your peace or upset you in any way.” (acim.W.L.70.2)

Your ego mind will never accept this. Only through the ongoing practice of “Authentic Forgiveness” will its truth eventually be revealed to you through your own experience.  


Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Two Healing Faces Of Relationships

Can you see the two faces in this picture?

If you are young or happy in a new relationship, you will probably see first or easily the profile of a young, attractive woman in this picture. If you study the image longer, the sunken face and profile of an old and somewhat ugly woman will eventually appear. For various reasons, the viewing order may be reversed for you. This is symbolic of what to expect in any close and long-term relationship we form. The initial acceptance and security we find in any new relationship, especially a romantic one, leads us to give up some of our fear and defensiveness. With this surrender, our heart will open and the face of our relationship and partner will mirror and activate our love and more attractive qualities. Over time, however, as our relationship settles down, some of our fear will return. Then, the face of our partner and relationship will change to mirror and activate some of our more fearful, defensive and less attractive side as well. In this article, I hope to explore the dynamics behind these two relationship faces and demonstrate the value of each in a healing process that will eventually lead to the experience of more lasting peace, love and joy within our relationships and us. If you have difficulty seeing the two faces in this image, the sunken mouth of the old woman is the black necklace of the young one. The chin of the young woman is the nose of the old one.

Part One:

Healing Through The Beautiful Face


As a child, most of our security and happiness depends on the care, love and approval we receive from parents and guardians. When they are happy with us we feel safe and content. When they aren’t, our security feels threatened and we become anxious. The safety, love and security we experience in these relationships can vary greatly and probably contributes to the level of fear and defensiveness within us that will affect our ability to give and receive love in our adult relationships. As young children, we know intuitively we cannot survive without the support of our parents and carry some of these same feelings and dynamics into the new relationships we form with friends, relatives, teachers and eventually, lovers. With the loss or change of any close, supportive or intimate relationship, even as adults, we still feel frightened and, in some ways, like we will die without it. Surviving this kind of fearful and painful loss experience has come to be known as, “Suffering Your Death.” In addition to this, as our horizons continue to expand in this fast-changing world, we begin to experience more and more situations where we feel unsafe, unappreciated, inadequate, anxious, separate and alone. To survive, we develop strong defensive strategies, some reflex survival ones and some learned through role modeling and conditioning from parents, family and society. They have also taught us we can find happiness and freedom from these fears, through the security, love and success we obtain in relationships, education, career, money, control and power in the world. For most of us, finding this happiness, security and success in the world and relationships we experience becomes our life-goal and usually begins with the search for friends and relationships to love support and help free us from the fear and insecurity we experience here. In this kind of situation, our early close relationships are often “extended-parental” in nature.

Romantic Love

If we look at romantic love closely, we find we are most passionately drawn to those who provide us with feelings that are familiar, even if unpleasant. For this reason, our first romantic relationships are often very similar to our parental ones. What we know and understand feels safe. That is why, unconsciously, we are romantically attracted to people with qualities and values like our own, our parents or people we knew that gave us support and love as a child. Falling in love feels like “coming home,” with the “family-familiar” feelings we often felt or wanted as a child from our caregivers or in previous relationships. Keep in mind, however, that this romantic chemistry is brewed out of what we find safe, comfortable, familiar and what seems to offer the opportunity to satisfy important needs left unfulfilled in past relationships. It often feels like, “This person can love and accept me like my parents or past lover never could.” This permits us to relax our defenses and allow the love within our heart to flow freely to our lover. What we give we will receive and thus begins a beautiful, joyful and loving dance together, free from fear and defenses, supported and powered by the love flowing from WITHIN US. Free from the defenses of our mind, body, emotion (ego) self, we gain, I think, a “TASTE OF HEAVEN,” the eternal, creative, healing and life-source energy of the LOVE WITHIN. Ideally, and in many cases, the sexual act of physical creation itself is initiated, powered and infused to varying degrees with this same Creative Energy. Medical research confirms the benefits and healing qualities of chemicals like serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin released during love-filled exchanges. In addition, we bring our own subjective evidence, the feelings of well-being, energy and joy we experience whenever we have been able to surrender our fear-based defenses and express love to others. Those in our lives who are more harmless like children or pets activate less defensiveness within us and seem to be the easiest for us to love. Keep in mind, the creative and healing energy of Love is always within us. The difficulty in both life and relationships is, however, gaining the readiness, courage and desire to surrender the cloud of fear and defensiveness that hides its healing light from our experience.
Please refer to the illustration to the left of this paragraph. Romantic Love has the ability to dissolve or part these clouds of our fear and defenses long enough for us to experience and radiate some of this love and joy we carry within us, along with its healing potential. Whenever this happens, we are both humbled and frightened by the power of this gift that we give and then receive.

What We Like And Want

We are also naturally attracted to relationships that reflect conscious and unconscious ideas and qualities within us we admire or wish we had. At the time we may feel the other person has what we do not. In truth, we are always attracted to ideas, qualities and vibrations that are housed within us. Eventually, through role modeling and the confidence they build, these relationships will inspire, strengthen and bring these ideas and qualities within us, some hidden, into our awareness and more full expression. This can be seen most clearly in the classic teacher-student relationship. All our relationships, however, mirror and bring to our awareness who we really are, the parts we want to see and strengthen and the parts we don’t that threaten us. This teaching, inspirational and confidence building aspect of relationships, when healthy, offer great learning and healing opportunities.

Part Two:

Healing Through The Ugly Face


We stumble unconsciously into the healing associated with romantic love and meet relatively easily our beautiful and loving face (side) reflected and activated by our partner. No matter how powerful and perfect the initial romantic and beautiful face of our relationship is, eventually the pain and fear hidden within our unconscious mind will begin to surface and be projected onto our relationship partner. Then, he or she will begin to mirror or activate this inner pain and fear into our conscious awareness. At the time, it will look like our partner’s behaviour has CAUSED the pain and fear we experience. For most of us, especially when we are young, when this happens we become threatened and respond with fear-based defenses that block the love flowing within us. This causes us to suffer great pain and fear as the love we block is withheld from us. “All that I withhold, I withhold from myself.”(ACIM) Most of us suffer greatly before we gain the readiness and will to “stand and face our pain and fear without defense.” Remember, this is the projected pain and fear within us activated and reflected in all long term and close relationships after the “honeymoon” phase is over.

Before we can begin the difficult process of facing, feeling and releasing this pain and fear within us, we must first accept the idea that every person we meet reflects or activates a part of our own conscious or unconscious mind. In other words, our relationships are mirrors that reveal the conscious and unconscious parts OF US. Although this idea is radical, it is not a new one. It has been expressed in parts of Buddhism, the Hindu Vedanta, “A Course In Miracles,” Early Christianity, the Joel Goldsmith “Infinite Way” teachings, Gestalt Therapy and by early philosophers like Plato. More recently, Quantum Physics research has produced evidence that demonstrates the world we experience is projected like a dream from within our own consciousness and held in place by our selective attention and beliefs. “A Course In Miracles” states simply: “We are not the victim of the world I see. We are its creator.” This is not an easy concept to accept in this dualistic world where it looks and feels to us like the people and situations we face are separate from us and cause the pain and fear we experience. The only way I know that will change these hardened beliefs is to experiment with different and “better ways” to deal with the pain and fear we meet in our relationship dramas when they arise. If you are ready and willing to practice more consistently the approach presented in the following section, you will discover, as I have, an ever-increasing freedom from fear leading to ever-increasing inner peace and joy. These new and positive experiences will then change your beliefs about your CREATIVE relationship with the world you see before you. “Seek not to change the world but change your mind about the world and the world will change accordingly.” (ACIM)

The Most Difficult Relationship Challenge

Since we first became aware of the powerful feelings of Love within us through our parental, family and romantic relationships, we mistakenly project and think that our parents or partners are responsible for giving and taking away the love we feel. Under these circumstances, it is unfortunate, yet inevitable, that when these relationships change or end, even as adults, these experiences will reactivate the pain and fear we felt intuitively as a child with our parents, that without them we will die. Try to keep in mind that our lover does not take away the Love we feel. He or she only frightens us with behaviour and painful feelings we do not expect. Then, unconsciously, WE initiate defenses to try and protect ourselves from the pain and fear we experience. The pain, depression and suffering we experience during this kind of “Change” or “Loss” is caused by our own defenses that HIDE the awareness and DAM the flow of Love within us, not because Love has been withdrawn. Learning to accept this, keep our hearts open and continue to love in situations where we feel unsupported or threatened is a very difficult and necessary hurdle to overcome for the success of all our relationships and our own healing process. It is the fear-based blocking of this LOVE or CREATIVE, HEALING ENERGY WITHIN US that underlies much of our disease, depression and despair, in addition to most of our relationship issues and failures. Learning how to maintain connection with and express the Love within us begins with our willingness to “Suffer Our Death,” in other words, to face, feel and release the defenses pain and fear we experience when confronted with the loss or change of any relationship, especially ones we have come to rely on heavily for support, or any other threatening experience we face. The pain and fear we house within our unconscious mind may be activated or reflected to us in any number of ways at any time within our relationships. It is most painfully and dramatically experienced, however, when we lose a close and supportive relationship through death, divorce or separation. This kind of “Loss” is one of the most difficult, upsetting and frightening experiences we will ever encounter. It is usually the one experience that will most consistently connect us with the unconscious body of pain and fear we carry within us. When we are ready to feel and release (heal) it, we then awaken to the peace, joy and love within. In this life, there is rarely gain without pain.

The Clues:

You will know you are meeting or experiencing an unconscious, frightening and painful part of yourself whenever you feel uneasy, upset, angry, and critical or like leaving a relationship. These are the normal, defensive responses to pain and fear. Prefacing these responses, your relationship partner or friend will probably appear to criticize, disappoint, hurt, withdraw or threaten you in any number of ways. Often their behaviour will reflects what we unconsciously think, want, feel or need. When children begin to act out, in many cases they are reflecting the upset and anxiety of their parents. If your partner or friend appears to be withdrawing from you, you might search for the pain or fear within you that may have caused you to withdraw first, perhaps emotionally. If this is the case, sharing your fears and owning your unconscious pulling away with your friend will often reopen the door between you. The awareness, acceptance and expression of inner fear will often dissolve it and allow heart-felt feelings to flow again. The defenses we use to protect ourselves from pain and fear are destructive, unattractive and many. When activated within any relationship, they become our best clues that a fearful or painful part of our unconscious mind is being activated or reflected by the person or situation we are facing at the time. This will apply to the defensive behaviour of your partner as well. If we were not frightened, we would not be defensive and love would be naturally expressed. Within the context of “A Course In Miracles,” in relationships, we express only two emotions, either love, or a cry for it (fear). Defensive responses of any kind are therefore cries for love in the only way we can feel safe at the time. The next time you experience or express defenses like criticism, blame, anger, tension, depression or the desire to retreat, try to see these behaviors as cries for love. Instead, ask for love or respond with love if you can. “I’m upset! Can you help me?” or “You look upset. Can I help you?”

Healing Advantages Here

Lets assume we want to release the pain and fear in our unconscious mind and the defenses that keep it hidden within us so we can experience the joy and love beneath. There are huge advantages in this universe for accomplishing this goal. In the first place, because this universe is a projection of our own consciousness, it acts, through the relationships and situations we experience within it, like a mirror to show us the conscious and unconscious part of our mind, its thoughts, wishes, feelings and fears. Without this mirror, we would not be able to see or experience these hidden wounds, fears and defenses within us. In addition, since it appears to us as a physical universe, one of duality that we experience with our five senses, we physically experience the pain, fear, sadness, happiness and love within us. With this awareness and physical experience of our inner pain and fear, we then gain an opportunity to release it. We cannot heal what we cannot see or feel. Further, when our choices are not helpful or constructive, the ever-increasing physical and emotional suffering we experience will eventually force us to make different and eventually better choices that guide us towards healing and peace. When the student is ready to choose “A Better Way,” the right teacher will appear. Within this projected dream of a physical, dualistic universe operate the Universal Laws of Karma and Attraction to further assist us. We begin by attracting to us relationships of like vibration, often with similar fear-based issues that can act as good projection screens for us. Then, when we are ready, we will begin to see the projected parts of our own unconscious pain and fear reflected or activated by them. Now that we can see and experience these hidden parts of ourselves, we have the opportunity, if we choose, to feel and release the pain, fear and defenses within us that block our peace, love and joy. Whenever we get angry or resist this process, through the Law of Karma, we hurt ourselves (“All that I give, I give to myself.” ACIM) and through the Law of Attraction strengthen the pain and suffering we experience. (“Whatever we resist will persist and strengthen.”) Once again, through physical and emotional suffering, we will eventually learn to FORGIVE instead, which means to accept without judgment and overlook with compassion these parts of ourselves, not of love, (fear), heal and find Inner Peace. According to “A Course In Miracles,” this kind of “Forgiveness is our only function here” and “The healing of God’s son (us) is all this world is for.”

Healing Method Preface

If you have stayed with me this far with interest and understanding concerning the idea that friends and relationship partners reflect aspects of our own consciousness that can then be used for the purpose of healing, you are in a small minority. The majority of individuals involved in relationships think their partners are separate and responsible for causing the pain, fear and love they experience. Nor do they accept their partners reflect or activate parts of their own consciousness. I first met the concept of “projection” during my Gestalt Therapy training at the Gestalt Institute of Toronto. Gaining the courage and willingness to re-own “projections” was an important tool in the Gestalt approach to emotional healing. I next met this concept in my “Course In Miracles” study. It is also important and helpful for us to realize that projections, in almost all cases, meet their mark to a degree. It has taken me the better part of four decades to gain the readiness to understand, integrate and use these concepts more fully within my own relationships. I’m in my late sixties but have met people in there twenties already able to understand, integrate and use these concepts to end the suffering in their relationships.

It can be very frightening when we first begin to see and accept the people and world appearing solid and separate from us are instead, dream-like projections of our own consciousness, able to change as we change our feelings and thoughts. Even though we may suffer greatly, it feels in many ways easier and safer to believe we are victims in a universe totally beyond our control. In this way, much like the purpose of “projection” itself, we place responsibility for the frightening and painful situations we face outside us, which then justifies our blame, attack and unwillingness to change. For these reasons, many strongly resist exploring or accepting these ideas. If, however, we can accept we are the creators of the world we experience, not the victims, we gain the ability to change the hidden fears and thoughts we have projected to cause our suffering and end it. “I have done this thing and this I would undo,” and “Whatever is given (surrendered) for healing that is of fear is gone. Yet you must look at it yourself in perfect willingness, for otherwise this knowledge remains useless to you.” (ACIM) Those who are not ready to accept this responsibility will not understand or accept these ideas and philosophy. If you are a person willing to entertain them, I urge you to explore the following methods within your relationships to release your pain and fear and find the Peace and Love within to then express in all your relationships.


As long as we participate, believe and react to the various dramas we experience in this physical universe, we strengthen their seeming reality and power to create our moods, experiences and suffering. Albert Einstein noted, “We can't solve problems with the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” From the perspective of our five senses and thinking mind, it appears that we live as human beings separate from each other and from a physical environment that can frighten and brings us pain and suffering. With these perceptions, experiences and beliefs, it becomes impossible for us to see or believe our own fear-based thoughts, emotions, actions and defenses are the cause of the pain and suffering we experience in our lives and relationships here.

In every age there have been those who have been able to move beyond these faulty perceptions, where the human problems of pain, fear and suffering are created, to end them and find peace. Mystics like the Buddha(s), Jesus, Joel Goldsmith and others were able to awakened from the human “Dream Of Suffering” and teach the path of enlightenment and peace to those who were ready to learn. Recent Quantum Physics research now supports many of these mystical teachings concerning the creative nature of thoughts, feelings, fears, attention and beliefs. It is from these ancient and modern teachings that the following methods for healing pain, fear and suffering have been taken.

Because these healing methods use a totally different kind of thinking and perception from the kind we normally use, ones that have caused our suffering in the first place, it will probably be difficult for you to understand or use the directions I suggest without some skepticism. They may not make sense to you at first. I urge you, however, to practice them on faith for at least a month, six if possible, and make your final judgment on the increased freedom from fear and from the peace you begin to experience. Remember, you cannot solve the problem of your suffering using the same kind of thinking that created it. I will do my best to explain the underlying reasons for the various steps I ask you to follow.


Our senses or perceptions are very limited and do not always provide us with the truth or reality of a situation. For instance, objects appear to diminish in size at a distance and they don’t. The rails of a railway track appear to meet in the distance and they don’t. Dogs can hear sounds we are not aware of. The earth appears flat and to end in the distance. It is in fact a sphere that does not end. It is only by experimenting and life experience that we come to learn the truth about these faulty perceptions and adjust our decisions and actions accordingly. Unless we do, our ignorance of these facts can lead us to make many mistakes and into much suffering. Keep these examples in mind when I ask you to experiment with ideas and actions that seem to contradict what your well-learned perceptions and beliefs have taught you to be true. These same perceptions and beliefs have taught you that the people and situations you face are separate from you and cause your pain, pleasure, fear and love, in addition, that you are largely at their mercy. Neither are these perceptions and beliefs true, as you will eventually come to understand. However, as long as you continue to react to the situations and relationships you face according these beliefs, you strengthen their truth and power over you, within the limits of this dream-matrix you have accepted. Then you will suffer the consequences that continue to justify your beliefs. Before Columbus, sailors remained largely confined and limited by the belief that the world was flat. As a result they, failed to discover the treasures offered by the new world awaiting them beyond what they could see or believe in at the time. I intend to offer you new methods for dealing with relationship pain and fear that will lead to more positive experiences and a new belief system regarding your creative relationship with the individuals and the world you now experience. These new methods, after leading to more positive relationship experiences, will then change your beliefs and expand your horizons in a similar way to offer you great treasures of healing and inner peace.

Underlying Philosophy

1. The world and relationships we experience are projections that mirror our own consciousness or inward state of mind. Properly used, this outer world can therefore help us to see, feel and heal the hidden body of pain and fear within us that blocks access to inner joy, peace & love.

“Projection makes perception. The world you see is what you gave it, nothing more than that. But though it is no more than that, it is not less. Therefore, to you it is important. It is the witness to your state of mind, the outside picture of an inward condition. As a man thinks, so does he perceive. Therefore, seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world. Perception is a result and not a cause.” (A Course In Miracles, Ch.21, Reason & Perception, Intro.)

“I Loose The World From What I Thought It Was. The world is nothing in itself. Your mind must give it meaning. And what you behold upon it are your wishes, acted out so you can look on them and think them real. Perhaps you think you did not make the world, but came unwillingly to what was made already, hardly waiting for your thoughts to give it meaning. Yet in truth you found exactly what you looked for when you came. There is no world apart from what you wish, and herein lies your ultimate release. Change but your mind on what you want to see, and all the world must change accordingly. Ideas leave not their source. .” (A Course In Miracles, Workbook Lesson 132)

2. In addition, because our own thoughts and emotions (consciousness) “caused” the “effects” we experience here with our five senses, these perceptions cannot be causal as well and create any real consequence, unless we believe they can, in other words, react or attend to them in some way which will then, “give them power over us.” This is an essential idea expressed in the “Infinite Way,” mystical, healing philosophy of Joel Goldsmith.

3. “Non Dualism” is an important spiritual philosophy found in early Christianity, parts of Buddhism, the Hindu Vedanta, “A Course In Miracles,” and the “Infinite Way” material of Joel Goldsmith. It is simply stated in the quotation below. Here is another way to express this same idea. There is only one power in the universe and beyond, a creative and healing energy of “Good” or “Love (God).” Nothing outside this power exists in reality or at the level of Eternal Truth. In this sense, the discomfort, pain and fear we experience in our lives and relationships in this world are not real at the level of Truth. Instead, they are part of a fear-based dream, individually and collectively projected or miscreated when we, as humans, forgot our Spiritual Identity and began to feel lost, separate, alone and frightened. Unfortunately, nothing in this dream of separation we have tried to make has been able to compensate for, heal or remove the pain, fear and guilt we experience here. When we do awaken from this dream or nightmare, the pain and fear we experience will then disappear in the same way it does when we awaken from any fearful nightmare or dream.

“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” (A Course In Miracles T. Intro.)

4. From the Laws of Attraction and Quantum Physics, “We give power and strength to anything we believe in, resist or attend to.” A great example of this is the war on drugs and terrorism launched by George Bush, which resulted in a large increase in both.

5. Here are other expressions of the Law of Karma, that what we give, we will receive.

“All that I give, I give to myself” (A Course In Miracles, Workbook Lesson 126)

“It can be but myself I crucify (hurt)”. (A Course In Miracles, Workbook Lesson 216)

“All that I do I do unto myself. If I attack, I suffer. 4 But if I forgive, salvation will be given me.” (A.C.I.M. W.L.216)


The world and relationships we perceive are effects that have been projected from or caused by the thoughts, wishes, feelings and fears housed within our own conscious and unconscious mind. As effects, they cannot have real power or truth until we resist, react or attend to them in some way. As soon as we do, we give them power and then they become real and threatening for us. This can, however, only occur within the learning dream or drama we have projected for ourselves here, not at the level of Truth or Reality. If we do not attend to, react or resist these ego effects, they disappear. This fact becomes an important tool in undoing the pain and fear-based ego with all its sensory perceptions, defenses and effects that hide our true identity as unified spirit in the Mind or Energy of Love (God). It is therefore an essential step in the process of “Waking Up From Our Ego’s Dream” of separation and fear. This is the process of “Forgiveness” outlined in “A Course In Miracles” that leads us eventually to “Awaken” from the ego’s dream. Simply stated “Forgiveness” means to accept without judgment and overlook with compassion the parts of ourselves, not of love, (fear) first projected by us and then reflected to us or activated within us in our dream of separation here. This is a process of “denying,” not reacting or attending to fear-based ego’s perceptions or effects that are appearances only, not the truth, and without real power in themselves.

“Its (the fear-based ego) effects can be dispelled merely by denying their reality. The next step is obviously to recognize that what has no effects does not exist. Laws do not operate in a vacuum, and what leads to nothing has not happened. If reality is recognized by its extension, what leads to nothing could not be real.” (ACIM, T-11.V.2)

Constructive and Sure Methods To Heal And Release Inner Pain & Fear

“When we gain the readiness, through suffering, to stand and face our pain and fear without defense, we find our peace and freedom from fear.” (D.Ott)


1. Even though the appearance of pain and fear within us may not be real at the level of Unified Spirit or Eternal Truth, in order to be healed and released, it still must be FACED and EXPERIENCED WITHOUT DEFENSE within this material dream. “Leap Froging” is a term used for trying to avoid experiencing this inner pain and fear by intellectualizing and moving immediately to denial. It is the ongoing willingness to FACE and FEEL these appearances of pain and fear within us, WITIHOUT DEFENSE that is instrumental in dissolving their power over us. It is THIS EXPERIENCE that helps to change our beliefs and gives us the confidence, strength and willingness to DENY THEIR EFFECTS. Then, with the help of the “Healing Spirit” within us, we eventually gain the ability to OVERLOOK all pain and fear with COMPASSION, the true meaning of “Authentic Forgiveness.” With this ability, we finally gain the readiness to “Awaken From Our Dream.” One cannot skip this step in the AWAKENING process with the intellectual understanding alone that this material world is not real. As long as we are here, it is real to us and we must be prepared heal and awaken using the tools of pain and fear provided by it. We chose to come here with the knowledge and understanding we needed the physical pain and suffering of this universe to motivate and direct our “Awakening Process” at this time and in this specific way. Without the SUFFERING these tools or experiences provide us, we would never be pressed to GIVE UP CONTROL or willing to ask for a “BETTER WAY,” the ESSENTIAL KEYS that unlock the gate and door of our SPIRITUAL HOME.

2. For most of us, gaining the readiness and courage “to stand and face our inner pain and fear without defense” usually follows a great amount of suffering within our relationships. Even with this readiness, the process itself is very difficult to master because it requires us to IGNORE well learned perceptions and beliefs that the people and situations, which appear separate from us, cause the pain and fear we experience. For example, when a person criticizes us and we feel hurt and put down, we must be ready and prepared to NOT REACT, OVERLOOK and DENY this event, together with our painful, ego perceptions. In other words, be willing to see it as an “APPEARANCE ONLY” and NOT TRUE. To accomplish or Master this kind of “FORGIVENESS,” takes a great deal of practice and perseverance. In addition, you will find little support for learning this process outside spiritual environments. After years of avoidance and painful suffering within relationships, I have been drawn to this path, a path that for the first time has led me to experience more peace in my life and relationships. For this reason, I encourage you to consider it seriously for your own relationships and healing.

3. In the beginning, whenever we experience pain and fear within our relationships, we react and defend so immediately that we become lost in the drama before we have time to think or use a more constructive approach. This REFLEX REACTION gives the situation the POWER to CAUSE the suffering we then experience. This suffering will continue to occur in our relationships until we become aware of the symptoms of pain and fear within us BEFORE we react. Only then will we gain the opportunity to choose different and more constructive methods to heal through the relationship dramas we face. To succeed with this process will initially involve many painful failures and take much practice and perseverance. Practice will make perfect, however. I urge you to press forward during this, the most difficult part of the process.

Symptoms Of Pain And Fear

1. Muscle tightness. 2. Tension or a knot in your stomach and abdomen. 3. Holding your breath.  4. Feeling critical, judgmental or angry. 5. Depression. 6. Need to withdraw or run away. 7. Fast heart rate. 8. Tears. 9. Chronic head aches.

Healing Methods

1. When you begin to experience any of these symptoms of inner pain and fear associated with relationship interaction, change, loss, or any painful experience you encounter, take the time to breathe and let go more fully with every out breath into the painful and fearful symptoms you experience, usually located somewhere in your abdomen and heart area. This is an essential first step. Do not rush it. You may need to look beneath defensive blame, anger and depression, etc., to find and FEEL emotions like sadness, emptiness, lost ness, abandonment and separation, the real cause of your pain and fear. Remember what was true for you as a child concerning the loss of your parents, that you will die, is no longer true for you now, even though it may still feel like it is. You can survive well without their approval or support.

2. Only after you have been able to lessen the pain and fear and calm somewhat through this breath exercise, confront the pain and fear of your experience with this statement of truth from the Joel Goldsmith, “Infinite Way” material: “You are an appearance only and not the truth, an effect caused by my own fearful thoughts. Therefore, I give you no power over me.”

3. From “A Course In Miracles,” acknowledge and end with this declaration to the Healing Energy within you: “I willingly give the appearance of this pain and fear to You to dissolve into the nothingness from which it was born.” Then Be Present, Be Still and Let Go. You have done all you can. When we break a bone, apart from setting and placing it to rest in a cast, a doctor does not mend it. The Healing Energy within does. This applies to a broken heart as well.

Steps To Further Assist This Healing Process

1. To assist this healing process, BE PRESENT by staying more conscious of your breath in an ongoing way. SURRENDER by taking the time to breathe and LET GO more fully on every out breath, whenever you feel the symptoms of pain and fear within you.

2. After each out breath, to further help you let go and STILL your fear-based thoughts, address the Healing Energy within you with, “I give this pain and fear to You to heal.” This surrender approach will help to significantly diminish the pain and fear you experience. Your healing will be accomplished in direct proportion to your willingness to step back and give up control of the process.

3. End this healing process with “Authentic Forgiveness.” To do this, address, within your mind, the person or situation you encountered in your healing drama with this declaration, “ I accept without resistance or judgment and overlook with compassion this fear-based part of my consciousness reflected and activated here. You are an appearance only. I have nothing to fear or forgive. Thank you!” To more fully accomplish this “Forgiveness Process,” always ask for help from the Healing Spirit within you, before you begin.

Relationship Healing Summary

In the beginning, you will need to apply this three-step process often, whenever the pain and fear within arises. In time, as you relax your defenses, your suffering will dissolve and you will awaken more and more fully to the peace, and joy within. “Suffering Your Death,” through any change, loss or painful experience, will be one of the most important, difficult, frightening and painful challenges you will experience in this world. In many ways this “LOSS” experience recreates and reactivates the same terror we felt when we first lost connection and forgot our real identity as Unified Spirit. If, however, you are able to face, feel and release the defenses, pain and fear it activates within you, you will awaken to the infinite well of peace, power, joy and love within and travel through this world much lighter and brighter, able to receive all the Peace, Joy and Love you give.

Concluding Summary

“Your task is not to seek for love, (that is your identity) but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” (“A Course In Miracles,” T.Ch.16, IV.6)

Relationships bring into our awareness “these barriers,” the unconscious pain and fear we have stored within our mind and body, along with all the destructive defenses and strategies we use to hide them. In all our relationships, especially in our intimate ones, when we are ready to heal, we will begin to project our stored pain and fear onto the mirror or screen of our partner. He or she will then begin, unconsciously, to activate or reflect this pain and fear we have stored within us and bring it, painfully, into our awareness. Without a relationship mirror or projection screen, these barriers of pain and fear we have stored within us for years and even lifetimes, would remain hidden and along with our ego defenses, block us from experiencing the light (energy), love and peace of our Real, Spiritual Identity. Bringing these barriers of pain and fear and our defenses into our awareness is, however, only the first step in the process. Learning how to let go our defenses and deal with our pain and fear constructively is much more difficult, a process outlined in the six steps above.

The path of healing and awakening through “Forgiveness” is a steep and slippery one. A partner who shares our goal can help us get back on the path when we falter, fall, or lose our way. As we grow closer to our Spiritual Identity, our ego’s greatest fear, its fear of death, becomes especially intense and defensive resistance ruthless. By sharing the final part of this “Awakening Journey” with a partner, we are able to move more easily through the intense fear encountered, as well as the ruthless resistance of the ego and thus maintain the strength, focus and faith necessary to awaken more fully into our Spiritual Identity.

Our Healing Angels

There is this beautiful parable or story about two little angels talking in Heaven about how best to return fully to God’s Kingdom, in other words, how best to awaken fully into Spirit. They were overheard by their Guardian Angel or Guide and he shared with them that to awaken fully into Spirit, they would need to learn forgiveness. As soon as this information was delivered, the one little angel turned to the other one and said, “How do you learn forgiveness?” The other replied, “I can teach it to you the next time we journey back for a lifetime on earth together. Just remember, when I hurt you deeply and you are feeling much pain and fear, you asked for this lesson from me. In the end, be very grateful to me and your lesson in forgiveness will be learned.”

I will conclude with a short review of this important concept. The person we see in a relationship with us is one we project from within our own mind. We meet only ourselves, in various ways and in various forms, in all our relationships. This means that in every relationship we encounter, we gain another opportunity to meet and, if necessary, heal those parts of ourselves not of love (fear). However, in order to heal and release these parts whenever they arise, we must be prepared, ready, willing and courageous enough to meet these difficult healing challenges constructively, without resistance through awareness, acceptance, surrender and “Forgiveness.”

Navigating The Hill Into Cedar Crest

When I was a child back in Ontario, we lived outside of town and needed to navigate a curve and steep hill in order to get to our home in Cedar Crest, on the shores of Lake Erie. Getting up this hill in the winter, when it was snowing and slippery, was a real challenge. I can remember very clearly my Father often taking two or three runs to get around the curve and up the hill. Each try he would back up a little further to gain more speed and finally, we would get to the top and make it home. So it is, I think, with healing through “Authentic Forgiveness,” within our relationships. This hill too is very steep and slippery and we will probably need to take many runs at it, gaining more confidence and speed each time, before we get to the top and make it Home.

           The Holy Encounter

“When you meet anyone, remember,
It is a Holy Encounter.
As you see him, you will see yourself.
As you treat him, you will treat yourself.
As you think of him, you will think of yourself.
Never forget this.
For in him,
You will find yourself or lose yourself.”

David Ott, M.Ed.
June 18, 2011, Victoria, BC.